Carob Peanut Butter Bars

Alright, Halloween is later this month, and the stores are filled with candies and pumpkins.  I love fall. I love pumpkins.  I love many things about this time of year that IC does not interfere with.  However, my least favorite thing about this time of year and Halloween is the re-appearance of stupid seasonal Reese's treats.  We've had a nice long break of these treats not being available.  Really it's only been like 4 months, but, whatever the case, I really enjoy not seeing these things in stores.  Now they will be available again until May.  Don't believe me? Think about it.  It starts with the Halloween pumpkins, then outcome the Christmas trees, then the Valentine's day hearts, and ends with the Easter eggs.  Whhhhyyyyy?! Maybe there is a week break in there, but for me, seeing these things in stores just makes me bitter and annoyed.  I LOVE THEM.  Okay, enough of my moaning and complaining about how unfair and miserable store trips and holiday candies are.  I decided to come up with an IC-safe substitute, a treat that will quench your peanut butter and chocolate craving.

Generally, I am not a huge fan of carob.  I really don't know what it is, but it makes the edges of my tongue water, and it never quenches my desire for chocolate.  However, the glaze I came up with for this recipe is actually awesome.  No tongue watering, except from looking and smelling these bars because they are AMAZING.  Get your peanut butter chocolate fix and try these bars.  You won't regret it.

Carob Peanut Butter Bars

Recipe adapted from Leigh Anne at yourhomebasedmom.com 

Ingredients:
Crust:
1/4 c. butter
3/4 c. sugar
3/4 c. brown sugar
2 eggs
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 c. all-purpose flour
` `/2 c. quick oats
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

Peanut Butter Filling:
1 c. all-natural peanut butter (ingredients are just peanuts and oil- nothing else)
1/3 c. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla

Glaze:
1/4 c. butter
1 Tbsp carob powder
3 Tbsp milk
2 c. powdered sugar

Instructions
1. Heat oven to 375 degrees F
2. Cream together butter and sugars. Add in eggs and vanilla and beat until fluffy.
3. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, soda, salt, and oats until combined.
4. Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and beat until combined.
5. Spread this mixture on large cookie sheet.  (This is easiest if you use your hands and some flour and just pat it all out until it is even and pan is covered.)
6. Bake in preheated oven for 10 minutes
7. Mix together the peanut butter, sugar, and vanilla for the peanut butter filling.  Spread this mixture over warm crust.  Be patient, the natural peanut butter is hard to spread, but it will if you work slowly and patiently
8. Prepare glaze: in a small pot over medium heat, melt butter.  Stir in carob until dissolved and smooth. In a medium bowl, combine this carob mixture, milk, powdered sugar, and vanilla.  Mix until smooth.
9. Spread glaze over peanut butter layer
10. Let set for a few hours and enjoy!

Blocked

I have a blogging block.  Everything in life feels ridiculously heavy right now.  My IC keeps flaring despite having a solid diet.  Darn stress.  The truth resonating in me is that God is good.  Despite hard times, despite disaster, bombings, abuse, disease, whatever the mountain, He is always near, and He is always good.    

Psalm 63:1-5

“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;

My soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will life up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.”

Blogging feels insignificant.  It feels meaningless and silly.  There are SO many blogs, SO many recipes… I am blind to my purpose here and lost in the seemingly unessential nature of just another blog.  

Where to Go from Here

I have had some hesitancy in writing recently because I am not sure of the direction I want to take with this blog.  My main intention was to share with other ICers some yummy things that I have found to eat.  I have always loved cooking and baking, and being diagnosed with IC was a serious shock to this love.  I am SO thankful that I love playing around in the kitchen.  If I didn't, I would be seriously frustrated with IC by this point.  It gets boring eating cottage cheese, plain chicken, oatmeal, vegetables, plain pasta, rice, etc. I've been diagnosed with IC for almost a year now, and that year has provided lots of fun yummy eats, but also many awful bland or icky failures in the kitchen.  My main plan in this blog is for it to be a place to share the yummy things.

However, over the past month or so, I have been wondering what else to share here.  Do people want to hear from many ICers? Should I "feature" an ICer every few weeks who could share their story with IC as well as some of their favorite foods and flare-fighting tactics?  Should I talk more about the current research about IC?  Should I talk deeply about my journey through IC- the good and the bad- like figuring out sex, the struggles of being in school with IC, should I run here on my painful/bad days, or should I keep this more as a building-up happy place?  

I've also had a little bit of hesitancy because so many recipes I make and post are simply things that I have found online and have adapted.  This seems like cheating in a sense- like I am not giving you something 100% original.  I know many bloggers share things like this and just post it as their own. I don't want to do this though- I want the original creator of the recipe, or at least the place I found it, to be given credit.  In the future, I plan on posting things from cookbooks and other blogs- I am just needing to take time and reach out to these authors.  Blogging, cooking, photographing, and sharing recipes takes a lot of time and I don't ever want to take this from another person! I guess for me, this is a place where you can come to find a lot of IC-safe recipes.  They might be completely original, or they might be adapted/copied and linked from another place on the web.  My intention is to show you a recipe that I have found delICious; its something that I've taken the time to make, adapt, eat, and share with others, something that I have tested and made that has been a scrumptious success.  

So this is where I am.  I have not (until now) advertised this blog, because I am scared!  I am, by no stretch of the imagination, an expert at IC.  I am just another person who was diagnosed with it, another person who's world was turned upside down by this condition.  I just also happen to have a love for writing and a love for reaching out to others who are frustrated and hurting.  

Today I am reaching out.  I am going to make an attempt at sharing this blog.  If you are here, I am guessing you heard that attempt- thank you!  Leave some comments and tell me what you want to hear.  I am hopeful that you ICers will have a voice and help me figure out what direction to take with this blog.  

And just so you know- my slow blogging hasn't been because of a lack of recipes or ideas.  I have been cooking up a storm in the kitchen!  I have many meals, side dishes, snacks, and desserts that I have made and photographed- they are all just waiting to be shared!  Yummy goodness like my favorite hummus recipe (what a staple!), a mouth-watering and super filling smoothie, "hamburger helper", blueberry scones, blondies, snickerdoodle muffins, oatmeal raisin cookies, homemade amazing rolls, and pesto, just to name a few.  I also have about 234534 recipes on my queue to make and adapt for us.  There is a lot to come here, and I am excited you are joining me for the journey!

Thanks for reading!

-Kristina

Being Rejected

Sorry for my absence. I have been mad at my IC, and I have (sadly) taken it out on the blog.

I recently received an e-mail and packet in the mail because I was a match for a leukemia patient needing a bone marrow transplant.  I was ecstatic   I have known people whose lives have been saved because of a transplant.  To know that I was a match was something special; it was a way for me to help someone.

I'll make the short story shorter: after filling out a brief health form, I was rejected because I have IC.  In their words, because of the unknown cause of interstitial cystitis as well as the lack of formal research, I could not be allowed to donate.  This rejection hurt more than I would have ever imagined.  I know having IC means that I can't eat normally.  I know having IC means intimacy is a pain it shouldn't be. I know that having IC means change after change in my daily lifestyle.  I did not know that having IC meant that I couldn't be a donor.  I did not know that IC meant that I couldn't save a life.  

Receiving the phone call was like someone looking at me and saying, "You are not healthy, and you are not enough."  Now the logical, smart part of myself knows that this is malarkey.  I am enough, and I try daily to be healthy- my healthy is just different than other people's.  

This experience has taught me a lot about having IC as well as what it means to help.  As a friend said, "It (IC) may be preventing you from this one opportunity, but there are SO MANY ways you can still serve people and ways that you'll be BETTER at serving people because of it"  I'm happy to say that after a week I can see that her words are incredibly true.  Having IC does not keep me from mentoring my sweet friend at a local elementary school.  Having IC does not keep me from counseling people through unexpected pregnancies.  Having IC does not keep me from serving my husband, loving my family, or being a devoted friend.  Having IC gives me perspective; it gives me an understanding of what struggling to be healthy feels like.  It gives me an understanding of having a condition that can't be seen.  It gives me an understanding of invisible pain.  It gives me an understanding that can help others struggling through similar situations.

So I leave you with this thought: IC, or any condition, can only limit you as much as you let it.  Sure there are bad days, days that are very hard to get through, but they are only days.  Recognize the condition, eat right, make smart choices, reduce stress, and most importantly live the life you were given.  Rock it and live it well, because you were placed on this Earth for a reason.  If you don't live your life, no one else will.   

A Little About Me

The most logical place to start is the beginning... I was diagnosed with IC in April of 2012 after two months of "UTI"s and severe stomach pains.  I consider myself lucky that I only suffered for two months without a diagnosis. When I started having pain, I went to my general practitioner who diagnosed me with a UTI and possible bladder infection.  After treatment for this and no resolution, my stomach pain was increasing, and he believed that I may have had an STI/STD.  Knowing myself and knowing that an STI/D was not the answer to my pain, I decided to stop seeking his services.  I thought the next best place to go was to a gynecologist.  I was very lucky in that my GYN diagnosed my condition in one visit.  She said, "I think this may be IC, here is a diet to do.  I want to see you in 2 weeks to do a potassium sensitivity test to diagnose for sure." So I went on the diet for the 2 weeks, and noticed great improvement.  The test was painful and definitely not something that I would ever sign up for again, but it was the result my doctor needed.  I was put on Elmiron for treatment and Uribel for pain and sent on my way with the intention of following up with her in 3 months.

Unfortunately for my IC, I moved about a month and a half later.  Finding my next doctor was awful.  I started at a GYN hoping that I would have a similar experience: false.  I went to a urogynecologist at Emory who wanted to schedule a cystocopy and hydrodestention... This is another test that is done to test for IC, but it is an invasive surgical procedure.  I was extremely iffy about going through with this procedure given that I was positive that I have IC and at this point was seeking treatment.  It then took the office over a month to schedule the procedure, despite the fact that they were receiving a phone call a week from me. Given their rudeness and inability to call a patient back, I decided to find another doctor.  I went to ic-network.com, a fantastic website for family, friends, and sufferers of IC, and discovered that there was a recommended doctor somewhat close to me.  I decided the 45 minute drive was well worth good treatment. 

While diet and Elmiron have been a great help, I have not been progressing and feeling great like I would hope.  Over time my doctor has adjusted my medications, and I am currently taking Elmiron, Uribel, a small daily dose of Elavil, an antihistamine, and rescue installations.  This combination of treatments has been wonderful, and I am finally having days where I don't experience pain from my IC.

My biggest battle currently with my IC is pelvic floor dysfunction.  To put it short, my pelvic floor muscles don't contract/relax like they should, or like a normal person's does.  There are many daily activities that are very painful and resultantly painful for days.  I have been seeing a physical therapist with the hopes to better train my pelvic floor muscles. 

Now that you know my story, I want to tell you about why I decided to start this blog. I have loved cooking for as long as I can remember.  Growing up, I loved helping my mom in the kitchen with dinner.  After being diagnosed with IC, my whole cooking style had to change.  I bought some cookbooks for cooking with IC, but I was quite disappointed.  I have had success with some recipes.  However, most of the recipes seemed very fancy and the ingredients seemed obnoxious.. beets, leeks, and carrots for tomato sauce.. seriously?! (for the record, I did try it, it was awful, and I'll save the details for a later time.)  I found that I had the most success when I took my old favorites and made them IC friendly. So now that I am baking my own bread, making my own pesto, enjoying some preservative free granola bars, making sauces out of fresh roasted red peppers, and whipping out meatloaf that my husband has thirds of, I have decided I need to share my kitchen adventures.  The best thing about you being a reader is that I'll only share the yummy ones, and I'll spare you from the disasters. 

Thanks for visiting and I look forward to sharing some delICiousness with you soon!